Journey of Faith

Back in youth group, I had a leader once refer to something called "the scary prayer." The scary prayer was, "God, change my heart." At the time, I didn't appreciate the depths of those words, but now, I understand exactly what she meant. In a time of feeling far from the Lord, I asked Him a few weeks back to change my heart. I knew that there must be something in there that was keeping me from being close to Him. Isn't it funny how we think we know our own hearts and motives, only to be shocked when God reveals what's truly there?  In an answer to that prayer, God showed me what was really preventing me from closeness with Him and it honestly floored me. My problem was more. Literally. My problem was that, without even realizing it, I had gotten to a place where I just needed more. I wanted more clothes, more food, more home decor, more Instagram worthy posts, more everything. I've gotten so caught up in "more" that I haven...

Recently, my husband and I were able to spend some time with a few of our nearest and dearest friends. They're the kind of friends where you get to pick up right where you left off, and honestly, they are a couple of the few people that we have ever "done life" with. The time we got with them was refreshing to our souls, filled with laughter, tears, and so  many sarcastic comments. In our time together, we dove right into the nitty gritty of each other's struggles, triumphs, and heartbreaks. One of the things we talked about was how difficult it is to find people that you feel you can truly be transparent and real with. We also realized how devastating life is without having people like that in your world. It really struck me when I stopped to think about why we let so few people catch glimpses of what's actually going on in our lives and hearts, even though it's a crucial part of spiritual and emotional well-being. I believe that we are so scared to s...

Between my husband and I, our weekends lately have been going at a rate of a mile a minute. And by lately, I mean for about the past 6 months that we have been married. We have been traveling, going to weddings and grad parties, hanging out with friends, you name it. I'm sure your summer looked similar. Anyways, last weekend, we finally  got a chance to slow it down for a minute. We woke up on Sunday morning and started our day off by going to church. And let me tell you, there is just something sacred about communing with the body of Christ. I refuse to hear any argument that believers do not need to be in regular community with others - it is so necessary to a healthy walk (see Hebrews 10:25). After church, we went to brunch (Deagan's - their brunch is a must) and then had the whole rest of the day open. I spent some much needed time catching up on house work; somehow, some way, cleaning is relaxing. Whatever, I've become my mother. Don't judge me. Then, we walked...

If you think that I'm about to tell you how in high school, I had track skills that would make Usain Bolt jealous, you probably haven't spent more than 5.2 seconds with me. Treadmills make me contemplate cutting my legs off with a butter knife and in high school, I was a mediocre (at best) member of the swim team. Physical running is not something I want to discuss now or ever. But running from life? Now that is a top skill set of mine. When things get tough, I'm searching the job market, house market, friend market, you name it. I simply do not naturally possess the propensity to "fight it out." Recently, I heard a sermon about creating an Eternal Perspective when facing difficulties. The pastor spoke on 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, where Paul has the audacity to call our hardships "light momentary afflictions." He is specifically referencing the times that he was beaten, imprisoned, starved, etc. You know, just the usual trials that we all face, right? ...

You guys, I am so dry right now. And I'm not just talking about the cracked skin on my elbows, although that probably deserves a blog post of its own. I'm dry in the kind of way that I feel like like I'm stranded on a desert island all alone and am just too exhausted to get myself back on the mainland. No matter how much I sleep at night, I wake up worn out. At this point, the bags under my eyes are permanent installations, ready for their own names. Some might ask what the cause of the dryness is. I have wonderful family, some amazing friends, and a life filled with beautiful experiences. But what social media doesn't explain is the friend that has really let me down, or the person who left me high and dry, or the difficulties of planting a church where no one there is in your walk of life (I LOVE our church, so don't see this as a knock on them in any way). To make a long story short, I could point my finger all day long at the different reasons for my exh...

If you've known me for more than 5.5 seconds, you probably know that "reserved" is not a term that would describe me. At all. Loud, boisterous, foot in mouth? Yes, you might use any of those descriptors. While I want so badly to be a Precious Person, meekness just doesn't come naturally to me. In fact, at a precious friend's wedding last month, another member of my rowdy tribe leaned over to me and said, "I'm pretty sure none of us are even remotely sweet enough to be her friend." True story. Honestly, I don't know how we haven't sent her running for the hills (I love you, Alyssa and I'm so glad you're the honorary Sweet Friend in my life. Don't run now). Knowing this, it may come as no surprise to you that my study in the book of James has left me wanting to crawl under a rock. If you've read James for more than 5.5 seconds, you know he has some things to say about us loud mouths. He doesn't exactly mince words when h...

Ever have a Monday that feels like it's 87 hours long? Yeah. Me too. And I'm having one today. I won't bore you with all of the nitty gritty details, but it's just been a day that's left me 100% drained and wanting to quit all of the things. As I was leaving one work destination to head to another, I contemplated my misery that seemed to have no rhyme or reason behind it. I thought in passing, "I can't even remember what my quiet time was on this morning. Oh wait, it was on rejoicing in trials. Awesome." I mean seriously, Beth Moore? Did you HAVE to hit me with that gem of conviction at 5:45 am on a MONDAY? I really feel like that should be illegal. Anyways, I started thinking a little bit more about rejoicing in trials. How do you even do that? And it's not necessarily that I'm even going through a trial. I just feel so drained that I don't have a whole lot of feelings and everything feels like an extreme chore. But James 1:2-4 is pretty...

Okay, I have to get something off of my chest. Somewhere along the line, I have become a complete, raging hippie. Don't ask me how - I have no idea, but it happened. I blame every one of my husband's ailments on either needing a diet that boosts gut health or dehydration. Kidding you not. One day, he's going to go postal and throw my homemade cleaning products to the wind. Bless his heart, he sure is patient with my crazy. Now that the less painful confession has been released, it's time to get onto a more real note. A wise friend once told me that when hardships hit, the true colors of your heart bubble over into your life. I didn't really let those words sink in at the time, but in the past few months, I've gone through an excruciating season of betrayal, loneliness, and heartache. And let me tell you this: what has boiled over from my heart has NOT been the stuff of Hallmark movies. This has become especially apparent on my honeymoon (I know, my timing is...