Stop Single Shaming

Disclaimer: I'm not single. I have a wonderful boyfriend that I'm in a committed relationship with. So don't think that this is the saga of a single girl, singing her woes of not finding a man.

Now, I've grown up in the church, amongst a wonderful community of believers. I gladly claim a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I have had the blessing of learning from some incredible men and women of God, and have sat under some great Bible teaching in my lifetime.

However, I have to say that I've started to notice a pattern, inside and outside of the church, but especially in the communities of Christians that I have grown up with. And I have oh-so-cleverly decided to dub this pattern "single shaming." Many of you already know what I'm talking about.

"Oh you, know Claire is beautiful girl, has a wonderful job, just lovely. But...She's 25 and she just can't seem to find a man."

"Well, we thought for sure that when Amanda went off to college, she would find a great guy, but she's a senior and that hasn't happened yet."

"Don't worry, sweetie, I'm sure you'll find someone."

"There's still time to meet somebody! Your day will come!"

...But.... What if it doesn't. What is Claire, or Amanda, or any of those girls isn't destined to find a husband. Or maybe she is, but won't find him until a little bit later in life than you find appropriate. Why must Claire spend so much of her time caught up and anxious about finding her soulmate? Why are you encouraging her to take away from time that could be spent wholeheartedly serving her Savior to look for a prince charming (when let's be honest, they're about as real as turning into a pumpkin at midnight)?

Now, please don't get me wrong. I am not saying that no one should get married or date. As I said, I have a boyfriend and I would like to end up marrying him (mainly because no one else is willing to take in both me and my psychotic dog). But why do we encourage girls to find their worth in finding a man or getting married? Why must we make it such a huge topic that we make them feel less about themselves when this doesn't happen instantly?

I know I'm rambling a bit, but please stick with me. I have a wonderful friend who is only 19 and she has people telling her all the time that she needs a boyfriend, or to look for a relationship, or a bunch of other nonsense like that. She's 19! And in my opinion, she lives a beautifully fantastic life, full of adventure and service to Jesus. Why on Earth would we be asking her to change a single thing?

I guess the point of this ridiculous rant is that everyone's life is beautiful. God gave each and every one of us a different journey to walk, and instead of comparing, let's start embracing. No, not everybody's journey is going to look like yours. But that doesn't make theirs (or yours) any less beautiful.


"Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him." -1 Corinthians 7:17

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