Wanting to Hate and Needing to Love
I've been trying to formulate my thoughts into coherent paragraphs for almost a month now. Lately, life has just been so heavy. I've lost a family member, faced the declining health of loved ones, watched friends battle horrible situations, and dealt with deceit from people I care for. All I want to do is come up for air and stop diving deeper into the mess of life.
The betrayal I faced this past month was almost enough to do me in. I started planning through what I was going to say to this person I used to call family next time I saw them. My thoughts were swirling as I cried and contemplated how our relationship was never going to be the same. I had played the part of the fool and was feeling particularly justified in the walls I would be putting up and avenues through which I would distance myself.
Then through a serious of events, God pulled me back to reality and back to Himself. I don't get to wash my hands of people and leave them high and dry, just because they did so to me. It isn't up to me to decide who is deemed worthy of my love and who isn't. Jesus deemed all of us unworthy souls worthy of love through His death on Calvary. The only guidance He provides us on the topic of broken trust is to keep forgiving, seven times seventy times. There isn't an "out" clause on redemption.
If the end goal is to look more like Jesus, I don't have the luxury of pulling back and distancing with hate. My call is to press in and bring together with love. As much as I would like to post passive aggressive memes on Facebook (directed at someone who doesn't even have social media) and ignore texts messages, or even make sure this person knows their wrongs, I have a different obligation. My obligation is love. Not begrudging love, in which I issue a warning to this person that they better not hurt me again. Not fake love, where I let everyone know the intimate details of the betrayal. I must love with the love I was given.
Jesus gave me love, even after I betrayed Him time and time again. His love for me cost Him everything, not just His pride. If I really take Him as seriously as I say I do, it's time for my love to reflect His. The person who hurt me may never see what Jesus looks like if I simply write them off and walk away. Do I really believe protecting myself is more important than their eternity? I don't say this to put importance on my actions, because Jesus doesn't need me, but He has called me.
Everything in me screams of my rights. And everything in Jesus pushes me to give them up. Because of Him, I'll keep diving further into the grit in the lives of myself and those around me. It isn't about me anyways.
*** I want to make a quick caveat for those of you in abusive or harmful relationships. Do not lean in closer. Get yourself to safety and from there, start the process of healing and forgiveness.
The betrayal I faced this past month was almost enough to do me in. I started planning through what I was going to say to this person I used to call family next time I saw them. My thoughts were swirling as I cried and contemplated how our relationship was never going to be the same. I had played the part of the fool and was feeling particularly justified in the walls I would be putting up and avenues through which I would distance myself.
Then through a serious of events, God pulled me back to reality and back to Himself. I don't get to wash my hands of people and leave them high and dry, just because they did so to me. It isn't up to me to decide who is deemed worthy of my love and who isn't. Jesus deemed all of us unworthy souls worthy of love through His death on Calvary. The only guidance He provides us on the topic of broken trust is to keep forgiving, seven times seventy times. There isn't an "out" clause on redemption.
If the end goal is to look more like Jesus, I don't have the luxury of pulling back and distancing with hate. My call is to press in and bring together with love. As much as I would like to post passive aggressive memes on Facebook (directed at someone who doesn't even have social media) and ignore texts messages, or even make sure this person knows their wrongs, I have a different obligation. My obligation is love. Not begrudging love, in which I issue a warning to this person that they better not hurt me again. Not fake love, where I let everyone know the intimate details of the betrayal. I must love with the love I was given.
Jesus gave me love, even after I betrayed Him time and time again. His love for me cost Him everything, not just His pride. If I really take Him as seriously as I say I do, it's time for my love to reflect His. The person who hurt me may never see what Jesus looks like if I simply write them off and walk away. Do I really believe protecting myself is more important than their eternity? I don't say this to put importance on my actions, because Jesus doesn't need me, but He has called me.
Everything in me screams of my rights. And everything in Jesus pushes me to give them up. Because of Him, I'll keep diving further into the grit in the lives of myself and those around me. It isn't about me anyways.
*** I want to make a quick caveat for those of you in abusive or harmful relationships. Do not lean in closer. Get yourself to safety and from there, start the process of healing and forgiveness.
Thank you for writing this. You are so right. We need to love as Jesus did no matter what the hurt. It is hard for as as humans. When you’ve been rocked to the core, it is easier to weep and rant and practice our “break up speech.” Jesus’ love trumps this. Healing our wounds and teaching us to reach out our arms to heal others. Like a slap vs a hug. The hug wins btw. 😀
ReplyDelete